Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
