I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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