i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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