Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
