Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
