I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
