The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
