sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
