Welp...herpes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
