He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
