I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
