I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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