I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
