i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
