I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
