Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
