so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
