I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
