went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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