I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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