I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
