question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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