My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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