There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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