dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
