Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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