U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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