Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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