she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
