I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
