I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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