did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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