lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
