He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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