The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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