if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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