Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
