I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
