some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
