why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i've created a new STD.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
