why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
