Please, let me fuck your mom
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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