I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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