i used baking grease as lip gloss
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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