thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
