Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
