I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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