I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
