Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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