what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
