Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
