oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
