dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
