we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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