Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
