if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You can't special order awesome
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
