Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
