totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
