Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
